Things No One Tells You About Motherhood

There are so many things that have caught me off guard about motherhood.  Some are great, some are more challenging.  Everyone tends to give the same advice to expectant mothers, though.  “Sleep while you can!”  “Sleep when she sleeps!”  “Read every book ever created!”  “Feed her this, don’t feed her this!”  That’s all nice and everything, but why doesn’t anyone ever tell you the real stuff?  The stuff that happens and you’re like, “What the what is this?!”  That’s what people need to be talking about so we new mothers are not flipping our shiz thinking we are nuts.

No one tells you…

… That your life is never going to look one ounce the same again.  I guess they kind of do warn you about this, but no one could really ever make you understand it.  How can we comprehend that one moment is going to turn our lives 180 degrees from where they were five minutes before? 

… How LONG it takes to get out of the house to go ANYWHERE!  It doesn’t matter if we’re going to the park, going to spend the day out running errands, going to visit family or friends, or driving 3 miles down the road to the gas station.  No matter what, I know now that I have to automatically add an extra 30 - 45 minutes to our “getting ready” time.  Inevitably, even 9 months later, there WILL.BE some kind of setback or catastrophe or natural disaster if I wait to the last minute to leave.  This is a proven fact.

… To buy a good vacuum, because your pregnant belly is really harboring a miniature billy goat who will have the ability to find a grain of sand in the carpet and put it in her mouth.  I mean, my child ate grout that she picked out of the crease where the floor meets the wall when we first moved into our new house, for the love.

… That “dinner time” is over.  For a long, long time I’d imagine.  In its place is now cutting up the food on your plate because the mini-garbage-disposal already ate all of her own, picking up bananas and avocado off the floor before it dries and gets hard, trying to keep sticky fingers out of her hair (a losing battle), keep the assembly line of cutting your food and putting it on her plate while maintaining a constant 5+ pieces on her tray in order to avoid a meltdown, and some sort of semblance of eating your own meal.  No one ever tells you that 9 times out of ten, you will prefer this kind of action, though, because it will serve as a reminder of so many blessings in your life.

… To never give her a bath before dinner.

… How motherhood can affect your friendships with your friends who do not yet have children of their own.  (Definitely one of the more challenging things.)

… That the sound of little squeals and chatter on the baby monitor is never annoying or a burden – no matter what time it is. 

… That you may actually enjoy waking up in the night to go feed her and love on her.  Plenty people are quick to tell you how much you will not enjoy it, but no one really ever says, “You will get a rush of adrenaline and excitement when you hear your baby up, and you will feel like you can’t get in the nursery fast enough to pick them up and get some snuggles!”  They should really say that.

… That you will feel naked, and like you are forgetting something, every time you leave the house without that baby.  When a piece of yourself is not with you, it’s a strange and lonely feeling.

… That one smile, one moment of eye contact, one giggle, one open-mouth kiss, one little hand rubbing your arm will melt you into a giant puddle every single time.  No one tells you that the novelty never wears off.  People are too quick to talk about the noisiness, the chaos, the messes, the defiance.  No one tells you that being a mother means you get the joy of falling in love all over again, every single moment of the day.

Why do we do that?  Why are we so quick to “warn people” about the less-than-pleasant moments of parenting?  Why don’t we spend more time telling people about the joy, the fulfillment, the love that grows deeper and deeper with each passing moment, the pure bliss of it all?  How come no one ever says, “Hey, no matter how sleep-deprived, adult-conversation-deprived, stressed, anxious, and over-worked you feel, you will only have to look at that precious angel one time and none of it will even matter anymore.  No, life will never be the same, but you will be so grateful that it won’t.”  No, every moment won’t be perfect.  But I can promise one thing – the joy that comes along with this amazingly wild little mess-maker is about as close as you can get.