Letters to Lily

When I was born, my mom started writing letters to me in a journal.  Not every day, not even always every week, but often.  When I was first born, when she went back to work, major holidays, minor holidays, regular "days," big family events, milestones, etc.  She kept writing in them for about 3 years!  When I was in high school, she gave me the journals.  To this day, that is one of the most incredible gifts I've ever received.  I keep them with me, and always have them to read when I'm having a bad day or need a little pick-me-up.  Such an amazing gift.

Naturally, when I found out I was pregnant, I started doing the same thing for Lily.  I have written her over 100 letters since then, and cherish them so much.  Some of them are long, some are very short, some are silly, some are serious.  Every one ends with "I love you to the moon and back."  Occasionally I will share some of them here.  I may even go back one day when I have more time and create a "Letters to Lily" section on here and put a few of the most special letters up.  But for today, I will share her 9-month letter.

April 13, 2013

Happy 9 months, sweet angel!  It feels like this was the fastest month yet!  I swear, I really think time goes faster and faster as the days go on.  It is such a bittersweet thing, too.  Sometimes I do look at you and think, “Really?  Where did that little 7lb 4oz girl go?!”  But every other moment of my day, I look at you and think, “Wow.  We created that?!  How is she so beautiful, so sweet, so smart, so funny?  How did we get so lucky?!” 

 

You really seem to be the very best parts of each of us, which is so crazy to me still.  I can’t even explain how magnetic and totally infectious your personality is.  Total strangers are constantly stopping us to tell us how beautiful you are, or how much personality you have.   As a mother, it’s an incredible feeling to know that the rest of the world sees your baby just like you do.  You are such a gift. 

Nine months into this crazy ride with you, it still doesn’t really feel real all the time.  I still have moments where I’m convinced this is all one big, long, crazy dream that I’m going to wake up from eventually.  I hope to God that never happens!  It’s just surreal.  I never imagined, two years ago, that this is where I’d be today and what I’d be doing.  Picking up your toys and clothes and crumbs while you sleep, waiting so impatiently for 2:30 when you’ll wake up from your nap and sing to me to come get you, then look at me with the brightest light in your eyes when I walk in the room, as if to say, “Yes!  I knew you’d come back!”  Even though I’ve dreamed of this role – this life – for as long as I can remember, no one ever really tells you just how incredible it actually is.  And honestly, how could they?  No one else has a Lily Reese :)

I think all your “milestones” are pretty much the same as last month, for the most part.  Nothing too new to report!  We’re tweaking a new eating schedule with more fruits/vegetables and less formula bottles.  You aren’t really sold on juice yet.  You drank it great the first few times we gave it to you, but now you just seem annoyed that we would even consider poisoning you with such a thing.  You’re a mess.  Still just the two bottom teeth, still crawling and pulling up all over, not quite stable enough (or confident enough?) or STILL enough to let go and stand on your own yet.  You’re too fidgety!  You do say “da da” constantly, which Daddy obviously loves.  But you haven’t quite made the connection that “da da” = Daddy.  To you, “da da” = everything.  You wave bye-bye and say “da da.”  When I tell you to say “ma ma” you say “da da.”  It’s a pretty universal word in the Lily-dictionary.  Precious as all get out, though!  Nothing else too new to report, I don’t think.

Nine months.  Wow.  Unbelievable.  My heart still skips a beat each morning when I hear you singing over the baby monitor, and an uncontrollable level of excitement comes over me because I get to go in your room and get you!  Again!  Another day!  It still feels so new, and so freaking exhilarating every single day.  Because the truth of the matter is that each night I go to sleep - absolutely sure that my heart is going to just burst in my sleep because it can’t possibly contain all the love I have for you - and then I wake up to find that not only am I still in one piece, but my love has grown even stronger and bigger and more powerful and unconditional.  And I’m shocked by the intensity, day after day.  I still have moments when I look at you and I’m just so overcome with love and emotion that I just break down.  It’s all too beautiful to contain, and I just feel like I’ll burst at any moment. 

Lily Reese, you are the absolute light of my life.  I am so blindsided by you every day, and just so amazed by every single move you make.  Being a mommy is a beautiful thing, there’s no doubt about that.  But, Lily, being your mommy is the most awe-inspiring experience that God has ever created.  You are the very best part of me, always and forever.

I love you to the moon and back.

Love, Mommy