June 24, 2013
Sweet Lily girl, I am getting so emotional as your birthday
gets closer and closer! You just went
down for a nap, and you let me hold you like a baby and rock you in your chair
for about 5 minutes before I put you in bed.
That hasn’t happened since you were a tiny little thing, but not because
I haven’t tried. You are just super busy
and active, and snuggling has never really been your “thing.” But I think you could sense that I really
needed some love and snuggle time today, and I am so grateful that you gave me
those few minutes. Five minutes doesn’t
seem like much, but time seems to be flying so quickly these days, and those
five minutes of nothing but cuddles were so needed. Thank you for ALWAYS knowing what I need and
how to love me perfectly.
Time stopped at 1:37pm on July 13, 2012, and the world will
never be the same again. And thank
goodness! What a silly world we all
lived in at 1:36! One minute makes all
the difference, and changes absolutely everything in ways totally incomprehensible. And here we are now, 11 months and 11 days
later (total coincidence, I promise), and I fall more in love with you every
minute of the day. Your desire (okay,
demand) to do everything by yourself already is a very bittersweet thing. On one hand, it’s hard to accept that you don’t
really need our help with a lot of things.
You are a walking machine, and don’t need to be carried. I can say, “Come on, Lily, come in here,” and
you just follow me. You don’t need – or WANT
– to be fed by us. That can get fairly
messy, but it’s adorable. You don’t
require a playmate at all times; you are totally content to play by yourself
most of the time. There are so many jobs
that you’ve sort of fired us from doing for you. The reality of that is that yes, it does
sting a little. Anyone who tells you
otherwise is lying. But at the same
time, it makes me swell with pride! You
are entirely capable, and you trust yourself enough to know that. And you trust that if you need help, we will
absolutely give it to you! Nothing is
sweeter to me than when you work tirelessly at putting together your plastic
Easter eggs for 10 minutes, can’t quite get it, and bring it to Daddy or me to
fix for you. We are a great team!
And now I went from crying about how big you’re getting, to
crying about how proud I am of you. I really
am a mess! What am I going to do on your
birthday?! I will need to be sedated I’m
afraid. The moral of the story is that I
love you, and it is such an intense, unconditional, totally boundless love that
it just makes me feel like I’m going to burst at the seams. I thought I loved you a year ago, before you
were even born, but I had no idea what love was. I thought I loved you yesterday, but again
today you’ve shown me I had no clue 24 hours ago. And the crazy thing is, no matter how much I think
I love you today, tomorrow you will wake up and show me that it still hadn’t
maxed out yet. Just when I think this is
it, this is as perfect as things could ever be, this is the fullest my heart
has the capacity to be, you surprise the life out of me all over again. It’s a funny thing, Lily, and I’m so grateful
for it. This wild ride we’re all on has
been incredible, and gets more and more amazing by the day. No matter how fiercely independent you
become, how big you get, how many birthdays you celebrate, how busy you ever
are – you will always, always, always be my sweet Lily girl, and the person who
has taught me the most about life and love.
I am so proud of you, and as always, so humbled to be your Mommy.
I love you to the moon and back.
Love, Mommy